Notice how often the thought and desire of wanting the present moment to be different than the way it is arises. This is the movement away from True-Nature. The refuge of dissociation and thought is believed to be the imagined separate self. The notions of would, could, should, arise, and create a false sense of location as past, future, or the external, by means of avoidance. The habitual pattern of resistance to what arises, or the ever present now, which began as a coping mechanism or safety strategy, has become an addiction, and the pattern itself forms an identity. This is who one believes they are. The addiction is to the notion of the false-self. A sense of lack initiates the refuge of separation, and the belief of lack maintains the identity of the imagined self. The pattern of the abandonment of the moment perpetuates the identification with the illusory separation. From this illusory point of view, the duality of longing appears as the belief that what one seeks is somewhere, outside, and other. It is here the search arises. That which one seeks, one already is. One seeks Presence, True-Nature, which one is, and available as the avoided present moment itself.
The fear that determined the refuge of the imagined self, becomes the fear of letting it dissolve, the fear of freedom. The fear of what does not exist, disappearing. The fear is that which maintains the sense of control, and the belief in personal control determines fear. Clinging and attachment arise from the fear of losing control. Can one lose what one does not have? Who is it that disappears, as that which appears to come and go within that which does not come and go? In a relative sense, it is darkness, or illusion, that appears to determine fear, as the rope is mistaken for a snake. In an Absolute sense, it is the light as Awareness that allows one to penetrate illusion and fear, and to see the rope for what it is.
Notice the sensation that is prior to the apparent movement away from being present, or True- Nature. The habit of attachment to sensation is immediate as a means to identify and validate the story. If there were no story, action and reaction would be seen as transparent in the light of Awareness. The arising sensation is the i, and the story is self. When all external objects are removed, where is the fear? By simply being still, the pattern comes to rest. The refuge determined by lack, is transformed into the Source of tenderness and compassion. The sense of lack that determines movement is met and fulfilled in stillness. It is here one can be held by the hands of ones' own heart as Presence. There is no escape. Turn around. Do nothing. Be still. The habit of patterns, and the pattern of habits, can be seen as Awareness, when suffering is realized as the path home to, and as, Presence, true refuge, and one is That.