THE GHOST OF DESIRE


Suffering follows attachment, as a wave of the ocean. Can one notice the desire that is prior to the appearance of suffering? What precedes what one is identified with and by? All reactions arise from the perceived instability of the frustration of not receiving, and the fear of losing what is received. To follow a thought or sensation is to get to the apparent source of a perceived problem. From this point of view, all of life itself is a struggle and challenge. Even the investigation into ones own reactions or nature brings more reaction and attachment, as the wave tries to grab hold of the ocean. Is there a fundamental resistance, fear, and struggle, with Reality as it is? Does self challenge Presence?

When one is plunged into the divided waters of what is perceived to be the negative aspect of self, one is inviting suffering with fear and resistance. Pushing away, resistance, and avoidance, all are grasping, and all bring suffering. One is then feeling trapped between the illusion of cause and effect. These apparent polarities dissolve with stillness, and acceptance of what IS.

The subtlety of desire arises prior to reaction, and brings the pattern of suffering one is identified with and as. One is not this desire. To bring attention, focused Awareness to desire, is to become aware of it's nature and pattern. Desire has movement, desire arises, desire brings sensation and a perceived affect, desire believes in control, and seeks to control thought and Awareness in order to be served. Is desire the boss in charge?

Does the habit of desire live within or follow every moment? Can one discriminate and notice the presence of desire in what is perceived to be both good and bad moments? The perception of good experiences brings the desire of attachment, the perception of bad experiences brings the desire of resistance. Where is self? The complex of desire and resistance maintains the illusory separate self that suffers, identified as this pattern of duality and division.

All of what is perceived to arise are phenomena. Thoughts of behavior are thoughts. The resistance or avoidance of phenomena is identification. This is the desire to stabilize objects. The belief one is separate has the belief, the thought, that this is possible, as it is itself believed to be an object itself, and seeks stability in and as phenomena. This is not possible. This is suffering. Can one simply be present to what arises? Can one simply notice? The self is also a phenomena that arises. Can one simply notice this?

To identify and search for the phenomena is chasing a ghost. The self is seeking stability by means of desire. To search for the desire is to search for self. The body is made of elements which are in constant flux and transformation, unbounded and unlimited as all arisings. Sensations arise and the self identifies with and as every one. However, there is no 'me' that can be found here. The mind appears as thoughts, emotions, concepts, beliefs, and the self attempts to identify with every arising. There is no 'me' to be found here. The sense of 'me' searches and seeks for itself everywhere, and seeks stability by means of desire, to attach, to cling, and this brings suffering. And so one believes they are their suffering. One believes, 'of course, how could this not be so'? 'It is me doing this, and as such, this is me.'

Who is watching all this? Noticing all this? One can search forever and find nothing. There is no finite self. There is no self in a fixed location, that believes it so by means of desire. The self is a process. There is knowing, but no knower. There are thoughts, but no thinker. The great effort has been to stabilize a ghost. The wind can not capture the wind. That which appears to be a wave is the ocean itself. The phenomenal body is a home with no resident. All phenomena are impersonal. Of what use is desire to the wind? Desire is itself futile. The attachment to resistance is empty. Suffering dissolves as the recognition of this, as Presence. There is nothing to hold onto, nowhere to go, nothing to do. Be with what IS, and flow.