In the pointed clarity of the appearance of the fragility and impermanence of a personal life, is the knowing of the Known, that all suffering is personal, and the personal is a construct. Wherever resistance, challenge, difficulty, or fear arises, is precisely where one is attached to the notion of self, and that which is interpreted as suffering is that which longs to be met, dissolved, enlightened. One often seeks difficulty as a means to awaken, and gets hijacked by the familiarity, refuge, and identity of the notion of suffering.
Suffering is not suffering. It is the apparent location of where attachment resides, where one is clinging. These are the densities of residue that one believes defines the very notion of who they are, and which functions as an identity, as conditioning and belief do not want to let go of this identification of and as self. As such there is avoidance and resistance to that which is revealed as the opportunity to dissolve, to flow, and this is called suffering, and this is choice. Suffering is a label, a word, a concept, a box, a way of life that creates and defines separation, as the imagined one who suffers, and the one who does not. Both are illusion. One will express a life working and trying to manage and control these polarities, this duality, as belief.
The notion of 'had it lost it' is very common. This is a belief. This is often spoken of as 'falling back into the dream'. There is no back. What is occurring and present is the surfacing of material. When one has awakened, it is not the end of meeting what arises, or the surfacing of residue. In fact it is the opposite. Awakening takes the lid off, stirs up all the residue at the bottom of the vessel. Everything seeks awakening and the light of Awareness. To believe a glimpse, a shift, or awakening is the end of that which has been avoided is a mistake. Ones capacity and stability are determined by ones ability to be present with what arises. The pendulum swings and one becomes identified with an Absolute point of view, and often as a new means of avoidance and bypass. This is where spirituality becomes dissociation. The question arises, how can i be that if i am this. It is not a question of either / or, one is both / and, non-dual. To see as awakeness is to be the light of Awareness with what arises, and bring that to rest as Presence.
One may indeed have what are called glimpses, but to seek these, or live for these, is to completely miss the point, is a trap, a bypass, and is the path of un-enlightenment. To be awake one must have the raw naked courage to stand and be still with precisely what arises, what one avoids, where one appears stuck, where pain resides, what is feared most. One must be willing to face what one has lived to avoid. One must be willing to shake and crumble. The notion of suffering must be seen for what it is. Presence will continue to enlighten and awaken, in and as every apparent challenge, pain, difficulty, struggle, grief, and one is not the doer of such. One is not the sufferer. One is Presence, simply and ever recognizing itself, to awaken, and flow.