The precursor to all suffering, and much illness and dis-ease, is rooted in the identification with the false-self. At our most basic and primary level, we long for True-Nature. As long as one is living from the belief and perspective of the false-self, suffering will arise, and suffering maintains the false-self. All choices are made from this. Diet, habits, patterns, and behavior, all arise from this. There is in fact a constant tension between that which we seek and long for, and that which we live. Life cannot be maintained in a healthy way from within the dream. It is our nature to long for True-Nature. All else is a distraction or diversion, intended to keep one in the trance and maintain the dream. It may feel safe in the familiar, but that is an illusion. It is the desire for freedom and self-liberation that drives us, and much of life is the subsequent re-direction and attempted exploitation of this drive and energy. Ego seduces ego. The game is loved and worshipped.
We return to pain and suffering because it is familiar. How we feel in pain feels familiar and safe. It is our story. We can subtlely and gradually return, or drop into it, triggered into division, blaming 'other'. The false-self has logic and reason reversed. We listen to it and believe we are safe in those familiar states, and believe this is who we are. The refuge of the trance was formed early, and developed over time, to survive, protect, cope, and isolate. It is self-conditioned, self-taught, self-initiated. It is intricately woven into the body-mind, the nervous system. We return to the beliefs and struggle we seek to avoid, and begin to seek, long and desire. We falsely believe we are our suffering. In doing so, Awareness of longing returns. Longing is dual in nature, the belief that what one seeks is separate, outside, somewhere other. Belief has been formed to establish boundaries, limits, and a pattern of avoidance. Thought alone brings the fear that clarity or freedom will bring suffering, when suffering is already present. This is an attempt at self-deception, and the impossible task of Self-deception. We alone allow the false-self to run the game. Patterns of avoidance bring separation, separation brings suffering. The suffering drives this, and suffering results.
The suffering that is present that brings so much stress, alarm, worry, and concern, has always been there. A lifetime of covering over and self-medicating has attempted to maintain, manage, and keep the pain and suffering under control. What is the nature of this pain? What does it ask? What does it teach? Has one been present, listening, or does fear and resistance appear to be in control? What is it that is feared? What drives the need for the trance? Did the pain precede the trance, or is the trance the source of pain? Is it true? Has one investigated or done inquiry? The fear and the pain are partners. They run ones' life and determine the story, the course of events, successes, failures, losses, personality, character, the notion of the person. Separate, isolated, objectified in time and space, determined. As such, life is dualistic. One lives the longing, searching, and is shadowed by the attachments to fear and pain, or the opposite. The notion of time appears as divided between managing, suppression, avoidance, and cycles of the pain and suffering seemingly in charge. In truth, all of it is One. A pattern. One can stop looking for the cause of suffering, and begin to look for who it is that is suffering. Avoidance is the nature and maintaining of suffering, resistance is the nature and maintaining of the false-self, the false-self is the nature and maintaining of avoidance. A closed loop.
A lifetime of socially engaged, self-conditioned, and personality driven needs are utilized and engaged to mask or disguise the efforts and intent, to mask suffering, and creates suffering, the very suffering one seeks freedom from. Details and information from every aspect of the environment become absorbed and utilized into the formation of this isolated false-self. The self seeks the approval, acceptance, understanding, belonging, and love one may have never received and fundamentally desires and needs. The attachment to this story maintains the pattern. Life can be lived as a chase, a race, a game, a gamble, through the suppression and fear of the pain one carries, and the hope it does not appear suddenly, inappropriately, to interfere and undermine the story, the image and identity, that keeps one in the dream, the trance, accepted, safe, and belonging. We fear the truth of our pain and stress will detach us from the very thing we seek, and from others, and that is keeping one held together, and identified as that. One is already detached. The fear is that we will lose everything, we will lose ourselves, we will be alone, and that is what is feared the most. Yet it is precisely our identification with the false-self and suffering that determines and maintains the sense of separation and isolation. A life is formed of overlaps to never allow gaps or light to enter, so that we may remain in apparent control, and use all of our abilities and energy to maintain the false-self, while seeking freedom, liberation, and longing for Presence. One seeks glimpses, and glimpses come and go. What does not come and go? Who is it that is seeing all of this?
All suffering arises as duality. Can one do anything with nothing attached? No needs, no wants, no desires, no hope, no idea of outcome or risk, no gain, no self. What is one to do without any attachment to identity, image, profit, personality, history, memory, story? Everything becomes a manipulation to serve the idea of oneself and the management of pain and suffering. The management itself is a cause of suffering and pain. When one reflects on the energy used and placed in the need for acceptance and belonging in childhood, it is easy to see how this conditioning and pattern has been carried forward, and that nothing has changed. It has been perfected. It is a practice. A religion. The more one is engaged in this practice, the deeper one goes, and the greater the need for the True-Self is made manifest. We create our own trance, and then we live in that trance. All our energy goes into maintaining the trance, and we fear the truth will show up unexpectedly. The entire time we are in the trance, we seek what is not the trance. We do not want the pain and suffering, but we fear letting go of the trance. The story is going nowhere.
We all seek love and understanding, nurturing and compassion. This is ever present, and ones' True-Nature. Self is abandoned to suffer and for suffering. To return to the false-self is to return to pain. The false-self is a habit, an addiction. One can bring that love and nurturing to self and close the apparent gap, as the recognition one is already That. The Source of that love and nurturing, Self, simply Is. Always present, always available. Presence. When we allow self to touch that which we are, Presence, the Awareness of our apparent and perceived distance becomes clear and available. It reveals the process, shows us the journey we have been on, and points to the pathless path. When self is dropped, dissolved, dis-identified, we are That. We return to learn as well as hide, to learn the truth of who we are, and that the Truth of who we are is what we seek. One is not the game of hide and seek. We are looking for the one who looks. For some, a glimpse, a gap, is all that is needed. This cannot be sought. Is one seeking with the same mind that is identified as the sufferer? We are what we seek. Where is freedom? Freedom is right here right now. One is freedom. Reveal the problem, reveal the sufferer. Where do they reside? Do they exist? One is not the sufferer. Surrender the imagined story. Surrender doing for Being. Our Truth is Self. One is unlimited, unbounded. Love and compassion are True-Nature. One Is That.